Polar Bear    Al Simmons 2014    

I first performed in Churchill, Manitoba in 1970, before it became known as The Polar Bear Capital of the World.  I heard many stories about the dangers of encountering a bear.  Over the years I’ve seen cute and cuddly depictions of the carnivore that can weigh more than 700 kg (over 1500 pounds).  I thought it was time to set the record straight.

There’s a critter that calls the North Pole home.

Where Santa’s elves and reindeer roam.

From the top of the earth where everything’s froze,

Comes a fluffy white cutie with a little black nose.

                                       

It was dark as night, that winter’s day,

I wandered round the Hudson’s Bay.

I met a bear with snow white fur,

She looked at me and she said: “Sir…”

[CHORUS]

“I’m a bear, I’m a bear, I’m a Polar Bear

Write a song about me, see if I care.

I’m not cute,  cuddly,  soft or adorable.

Let’s talk about my manners; deplorable.

I roar. (ROAR) I growl. (GROWL)

I bellow, chuff and purr. (BELLOW-CHUFF-PURR)

I’m a hulking heap of hunger dressed in snow white fur.”

(POLAR-BEAR, POLAR-BEAR, SHE’S A-POLAR-BEAR)

 

She don’t like going hungry, she knows how it feels.

Eating’s her religion, she preys on seals.

Hidden in a snow drift, sheltered from the winds,

Mamma bear is snuggled in giving birth to twins.

Two years raising cubs, Mamma bear and entourage

Cruise the coastal waters wearing winter camouflage.

The baby’s called a cub just incase you’re keeping score. 

Momma bear’s a sow, but Father, he’s a boar.

[CHORUS]

“Dress me up in suit and tie and a hat of straw.

Give me any name-brand and I’ll hold it in my paw.

Commercialize my image now if you want to rate.

Put me on a Toonie too and a license plate.”

“You can humanize us; don’t forget, we are dangerous.

We’re hard to ignore. A pretty, powerful, Polar predator.”    

[CHORUS]