Bag Of Peanuts    Al Simmons/Ken Whiteley   

I bought myself some peanuts 

From the grocery store today 

I'm not expecting comp'ny 

But I bought them anyway 

Personally I don't like them 

I'll just take them from the shelf 

So if people come to visit 

Everyone can help themself 

Some people can get hooked on things 

Potato chips and such 

But peanuts? Thank you, no, no, no, 

I don't care for them that much 

To me they taste so terrible 

I wonder how they sell them 

I just like the sound they make 

Every time you shell them 

I'll crack you one and show you 

That it's really kinda neat 

I eat the insides, then I 

Drop the shells around my feet 

Some folks can't control themselves 

And though I hate to brag 

I have strong will power. Hey! 

What's my hand doin' in the bag. 

Wow! This one's huge I'll bet it holds 

As many as three or four 

No, by the weight it probably has 

Seven or eight or more 

I'd better crack it open 

I'd better take a look 

And maybe send a picture 

To the Guiness Record book 

Well how 'bout that there's only two 

And one of them is rotten 

I guess I'll have to eat until 

That taste can be forgotten 

Someone better eat them soon 

Before they all go stale 

What a shame to see them all 

Rotting in my compost pail 

Now there's shells up on my lap 

And there's shells upon the floor 

I'm feeling in an empty bag 

There's not any any more 

Oh my gosh they're all gone 

There's shells all over the place 

It's a darn good thing for me 

That I buy them by the case.