Bag Of Peanuts
Al Simmons/Ken Whiteley

I bought myself some peanuts
From the grocery store today
I'm not expecting comp'ny
But I bought them anyway

Personally I don't like them
I'll just take them from the shelf
So if people come to visit
Everyone can help themself

Some people can get hooked on things
Potato chips and such
But peanuts? Thank you, no, no, no,
I don't care for them that much

To me they taste so terrible
I wonder how they sell them
I just like the sound they make
Every time you shell them

I'll crack you one and show you
That it's really kinda neat
I eat the insides, then I
Drop the shells around my feet

Some folks can't control themselves
And though I hate to brag
I have strong will power. Hey!
What's my hand doin' in the bag.

Wow! This one's huge I'll bet it holds
As many as three or four
No, by the weight it probably has
Seven or eight or more

I'd better crack it open
I'd better take a look
And maybe send a picture
To the Guiness Record book

Well how 'bout that there's only two
And one of them is rotten
I guess I'll have to eat until
That taste can be forgotten

Someone better eat them soon
Before they all go stale
What a shame to see them all
Rotting in my compost pail

Now there's shells up on my lap
And there's shells upon the floor
I'm feeling in an empty bag
There's not any any more

Oh my gosh they're all gone
There's shells all over the place
It's a darn good thing for me
That I buy them by the case.